Top Ten Ways To Get Rid of Telemarketers

 

 

 

Top Ten Ways to Get Rid of Telemarketers

Its 4am in the morning the phone rings and “Charlie” has the best deal of the year to tell you about! Charlie lives In a different time zone and isn’t privy to the fact it is 4am where YOU are, but luckily, “Charlie” has AT & T because he has more bars in more places to call YOU from at 4am with his deals!

And never mind that there are those “do-not –call” lists who pays attention to those, who the hell has those lists anyhow? Oh yeah all those spammers that want to fill your inbox at the crack of dawn , that say that you “signed up” for their services, but before your able to see your way to coffee pot “Charlie” has called again with his this is your last chance deal!

As you nod your head with ‘uh huhs’ and agree with Charlie thinking he will just go away, you wonder if there is a way to get rid of these callers once and for all! Slowly, you make your way over to the coffee pot which has now run over and the coffee grounds are spilling into your cup when you realize your son’s teenage girlfriend spent the night and is now standing in the hallway mortified because you’re in your boxer shorts and haven’t got any pants on!

f you’re tired of those pesky telemarketers and want some unique ways to distract these uninvited guests and maybe rid yourself of them once and for all read on:

Top Ten Calls:

1. If they want to loan you money, tell them you just filed for Bankruptcy and you could sure use some money and maybe they could lend you some of theirs!

2. If they start out with, "How are you today?" say, “I’m so glad you asked, because no one seems to care these days and I have all these problems, my sciatica is acting up, my eyelashes are sore, my hemorrhoids hurt and my dog just died..." When they try to get back to the sell, just continue your problems until they bail.

3. If they say they're John Doe from the Acme Company, Ask them to spell their name, and then have them repeat it. Then ask them to spell the company name, and then repeat it. (He he) Then ask them where it located, and repeat it very s-l-o-w-l-y. Eventually they’ll have the headache you started with when you got the call, and hang up!

4. Crying out, in well-simulated tones of pleasure and surprise, "Judy!! Is this really you? Oh, my God! Judy, how have you BEEN?" Hopefully, this will give Judy a few brief moments of terror as she tries to figure out where the hell she could know you from.

5. Say, "No", over and over. You remember this game; yeah you used it to tick off your sister when you were ten! Just remember to say it after every three or four words they say. Make sure to interrupt! This is the most fun if you can keep going until they hang up.

6. If Altell calls trying to get you to sign up with their My Circle Family and Friends plan, reply, in a sinister a voice as you can muster, "I don't have any friends...would you be my friend?"

7. If they clean rugs: "Can you get blood out, (If they say yes make sure you get real loud and excited) say “you can?” Well, how about goat blood or HUMAN blood (said with real devious sinister tones). Then if they haven’t hung up yet tell them you have tried to find someone that can do that but they all turned you down or called the police.

8. Let the person go through their spiel, providing minimal but necessary feedback in the form of an occasional "Uh-huh, really, or "That fascinating." Finally, when they ask you to buy, ask them to marry you. They get all flustered, but just tell them you couldn't give your credit card number to someone that’s a complete stranger.

9. Answer the phone. As soon as you realize it is a telemarketer, shout or scream, "Oh, my God!!!” Breath real heavy, "Oh, my God!!!" then say “can you hang on a minute were almost finished” and then listen as they hang up.

10. Tell the Telemarketer you are busy and if they will give you their phone number you will call them back. If they say they are not allowed to give out their number, then ask them for their home number and tell them you will call them at home. (This is usually the most effective method of getting rid of Telemarketers) *This tips thanks to Jerry Seinfeld it really works you’ll be surprised!